Letting Things Build Up.

This passed month i have missed my dad more then anything. The other day my sister and i were driving and a Paul simon song came on and it was the one he wrote for that show the wild thornberries, you know? but anyways the was a line in it and it went 'i love to see my duaghter grow.' and i began to cry, and no one could make me feel better, i still feel hollow and lonely.
I have alway been deprived of that male energy, and it's the only thing a crave, and i am so afraid of it at the sametime. I just want a man to come and take me away and not make me feel like i am not good enough or pretty enough, he just loves me for me and will help me not to worry anymore and most of all fill this whole in my heart that has been there for so long, if there is even a way for him to fill it. sometimes i feel as though i am going to walk this earth alone cuase i am not good enough for any guy, and i know it's not true but i can't help but believe it. the only guy that i even loved unconditionally didn't love me back, i was just a friend to him. He always make me feel like i would never be at his level becuase i wasn't skinny enough, and whats sad is, it is true he really did feel like that.
I really don't know why i am writting this, but in away it is helping. even though probably no one will read this i feel better writting it down.
Latly i have been feeling that i am disappearing slowly, it like i have friends and i have a great family but they don't understand how i feel and they never had i am either dimissed like i am a 5 year old or they talk to me and don't listen cause they think they know more. and there freaking anwser to everything is 'go work-out jenna'.
last night i had a total melt down. it was a combination of me missing my dad, not having anyone to love and them treating me like a kid, like i have never done anything for this family. Ever since last night i have been on the verge of tears and yelling. I am just so lonely all the time even when i am not alone i am alone. it's stupid that i am complianing about this, there are many other people out there that feel the exact same way and worse, but i just wanted to get this out of my head. i really wish someone understood, i really wish my dad could just hold me and he was well, i really wish i could just fade away. then i think alot of thing would be solved. I have never felt this lonely.